About Writing, Life and Writing About Life

If it’s Friday, it must be time for Friday Fictioneers, the 100-word flash fiction challenge set by Madison Woods each week. This week’s photo prompt is shown below and is copyright Sandra Crook.



If you would like to read the other stories this week, then click on the little blue guy and the links will pop up. For my story, read on.

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JUNGLE ESCAPE

Water dripped from the dense foliage around her. The oppressive heat was making her dizzy.

She couldn’t think straight. Were they in front of her, or behind? She couldn’t tell. She could only press on.

Surely she’d seen the ruined temple before? She was going in circles. She searched desperately for another way.

A new path! One not noticed before. She stumbled forward. The canopy thinned overhead.

Angie staggered, blinking, into the sunshine. The door of the ‘Rainforest Biome’ greenhouse clunked shut behind her.

In front, her family glowered at her. “At last! Now, can we get an ice cream?”

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Comments on: "Friday Fictioneers – Jungle Escape" (45)

  1. I like how this got turned on its head. At first, it seemed as though she was being followed, and then she found the other path, like the road untravelled… and it turned out she had just been trying to catch up to her family, and she’d gotten lost! Ha! 🙂

  2. Nice twist, took me by surprise.

  3. Haha! Love the happy turnabout the story took 🙂

  4. What a fun twist. I enjoyed this one, Anne. I’m running “late” this week. #27

  5. Very nice. I like the twist and remember well how hot it gets in those biomes.

  6. Hi Anne,
    You fooled me into believing that girl was in danger. I bought it, but only because you did such a great job of selling it. Very well done! Ron

  7. This was quite scary, and then…it turned quite cute! Good job.

  8. Haha. I wasn’t thinking the girl was in danger, just lost, though. But in a situation more dire than what it turned out to be, lol. Nice twist.

  9. Another story this week with a delightful, youthful twist. Very enjoyable. 🙂

  10. You reflected her confusion well, which made it all the more rewarding when she found her family at the end. Nice!

  11. Interesting story. All’s well that ends in ice cream.

  12. forgive me, but i like to take others’ work and cut words. this one i can take from 100 down to 65. it’s a challenge for me:

    Water dripped from surrounding dense foliage. Dizzy from oppressive heat, logic lost. Where the others ahead or behind? She pressed on. Ruined temple seemed familiar, passing again, lost, searching desperately for another way. An undetected path! Stumbling forward beneath a thinning canopy, angie staggered, blinking in sunshine. The Rainforest Biome door clunked shut behind her. Ahead, family glowered. “Finally. Now can we get ice cream?”

    • Hi Rich, thanks for taking the time to give me your input. I am always trying to learn. Still, I’m not sure why you wanted to shorten the piece given that it wasn’t over the hundred word guideline. This seems like a big question, so I’ve expanded it into a new post today. Perhaps you could pop over here https://anneorchardwriter.wordpress.com/2012/10/02/fiction-writing-is-shorter-better/ and expand on your thoughts so I can learn more. 🙂

      • Hmm, interesting. Personally, l prefer the original and would take only one word out (made her dizzy, rather than was making her dizzy). For me the original flows better. This suggested shorter version seems to me to be trying too hard to build up too much tension – as though it’s a Hitchcock thriller. “Ahead, family glowered” just isn’t nice to read and is not an improvement on “Ahead, her family glowered”. However l agree it doesn’t need “at her”.

        I feel Ann could have taken about three words out and sharpened the story, but that the proposed edits seem to be for the sake of brevity and not for the sake of the story.

      • Thanks for the input, Tamara. Seems these little fiction escapades can help me learn to edit as well as to write 🙂

      • hmm. that’s odd that i would do that without it being over 100. i apologize for that.

      • No problem, Rich, I just wasn’t sure what had prompted you to do it. Perhaps you just got into editing mode!

      • entirely possible. i remember going through one story and then realizing it was only 79 words. was that one yours? if so, when i was done, i thought i had not sent the comment. guess i was wrong.

  13. This one made me laugh. Great job. I love ice cream too!!

  14. I loved your surprise ending. Reminded me of those old “fun houses” at carnivals…the fear, sense of danger, being trapped…then ice cream as a reward.

    • Hi Lora. I wonder why we like to be frightened? Myself, I’d cut out the fun house and go straight for the ice cream 😉 Thanks for visiting.

  15. […] about something I know (or think I do), it is me asking a genuine question. This comes out of my Friday Fictioneers stpry last Friday, where one of the lovely group of participants went to the trouble of telling me how my […]

  16. Dear Anne,

    Your story was a twist on the portal action we’ve seen a lot of this week and I enjoyed it. I think the exercise Rich went through is one all writers can learn from and when someone, anyone takes the time and effort to do so, then you have a friend out there. And in the writing world, friends are priceless. Look at it as though each version, and there are many possible versions, is like a fruit springing forth from the tree of your imagination, some natural, others carefully grafted by the hands of master gardeners. Your fruit was tasty.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Doug

    • Thanks for your comments, Doug. I do indeed still have much to learn, especially regarding fiction. And I like the idea of different versions. I know that most novels go through many incarnations and changes before they see the light of day, so editing is a key skill to learn and practice. You can be sure my cutting knife will be sharpened for this week’s effort if I can muster some inspiration under the effects of the sniffles. Sofa, blanket, paper, pen, tissues. That’s me!

  17. I liked your little fiction–felt her desparation. Nice job

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