About Writing, Life and Writing About Life

Ok, so technically it’s Thursday, but here is my offering this week for the Friday Fictioneers challenge now hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Visit Rochelle’s website if you would like to find out more or join the merry band. The photo prompt this week is copyright Joyce Johnson. To read the rest of this week’s stories, click on the blue linky guy below my story. Constructive criticism always welcome.

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Pride Goes …

Rob wished he hadn’t been such a show-off. The sign on the entrance had been quite clear – “Enchanted Labyrinth”. Well, he was great at mazes and he couldn’t back out just because Rachel had the heebie-jeebies.

Unfortuately, even he couldn’t peer over the towering, featureless walls. Each junction revealed a laughing face and a pointing finger. He’d tried following the fingers, until a crumpled choclate wrapper showed he was back in the same spot. He tried doing the opposite, but with identical results. How was that possible?

It began to dawn on Rob just why the face was laughing.

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Comments on: "Friday Fictioneers – Pride Goes …" (27)

  1. I hope it’s just that the face is enjoying his predicament, but I suspect that there’s a sinister edge to his amusement. Nicely done Anne.

  2. Oh that’s clever – and we go slowly from humour to sudden creeping worry/fear. I agree – there is a sudden sinister edge we know will grow and grow, and e is still looking now…the faces are still there…
    Very good – I like the ”enchanted’ word there – it certainly bounces back with its darker side.

  3. Hi Anne,
    This photo seemed to spawn a few labyrinth stories. My recall of the Bible verse is “Pride goeth…” Elizabethan English. Dark edge to this and maybe the heebie-jeebies can be a good thing. Ron

    • Hi Ron, of course all we know of the bible are translations unless we are students of ancient languages. I thought this translation I came across was interesting – “Pride goes before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall”. I was kind of going for destruction here! And Rachel’s heebie-jeebies were very well-founded.

  4. Your labyrinth is very similar to the situation my character has found herself in. The face gave me the creeps too, ha.

  5. Dare I say creepy use of the prompt? And I mean this in a good way, Anne.

  6. Wit! I LOVE the WIT in this! Thanks, Anne. Very enjoyable and very resolute as well. I laughed WELL! Happy Thanksgiving from the USA!

  7. Well, one seriously creating something that could be a short story!
    Good job!
    Scott
    Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2012/11/22/friday-fictioneers-7/

  8. Ah this is very clever Anne. I like it very much

  9. I like it. I’m sure Rob doesn’t! 🙂

  10. I’m wondering what Rachel’s thinking as they go along, probably, “Men!!” I like the subtle horror you portrayed. Just one small typo–“chocolate”, not “choclate.” This I know because I eat lots of it, although it should always be proceeded by the word “dark.” 🙂

  11. Very good. We’re thinking on similar lines this week.

  12. Love the touch of a labyrinth! There are so many kinds of them and never thought of the signs going there. But being lost…always scary.!

  13. This was no corn-maze. Scary, in it’s simplicity.

  14. A maze seems to be one way to interpret the prompt. I liked yours. And he should have followed Rachel’s heebie jeebies 🙂

  15. a shame when an object like that knows more than we do. well done.

  16. Just the hint of something really spooky to come. Are all the faces the same? Will they make different faces as Rob progresses? Maybe Rachel is behind the whole thing? Heebee- jeebies, indeed! Keeps us wanting more, which is good.

  17. I love this. Very subtle and creepy. I imagine Rob is still going round in circles and starting to go a little mad.

  18. Oh, this is great, Anne. A great take on the prompt. I like the idea of following the direction of the finger in a maze, and be driven to complete madness! Well done!

  19. Pride–it’ll get ’em every time. Hopefully, Rachel will take the lead and guide him to the exit.

  20. Dear Anne,

    Place right hand on wall…walk on. But something tells me he’s not getting out of that maze alive. nice story.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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